Frazzled Wednesday

I absolutely hate this time of year. It's not really any one thing, just the combination of everything that really gets to me. this is a period of transition from winter to summer, from no work to overwhelming amounts of work, from mud to grass. This is the time of year all my licenses and insurances come due. And with little work over the winter things are really really tight.

Add to this that my mother's medicaid waiver has been denied due to bureaucratic paperwork. Someone dropped the ball somewhere and I have been wallowing in red tape for the past two months. I'm glad the State of Alaska has a program that will pay for my mother's care over and above the social security and pension funds that she contributes. Financially she makes $150 over what the State allows for the Waiver program. That money goes into a trust that the State will get when she dies. A financial review is done every year. Nothing has changed for the last two years. Yet this year her application was denied. So the house is not being paid. Her supplies and medications have been stopped. Private care for this house is $4,800 per month. My mom's income is a quarter of that.

There's no way that I could give her the quality of care that she receives at the assisted living home. We have "issues" and as much as I love my mom I just can't deal with her. I heard Dr. Laura say once that as caregivers for our parents we don't have to physically do the work ourselves but we must be sure they are being cared for properly. Then we can visit and enjoy the time spent with an elderly parent and not resent the fact that they are taking so much from us. That made sense to me and I found the most wonderful home for my mother. Briar and I visit frequently during the winter and not so frequently during the summer. My mom is on hospice care and has been for over six months. I expect at any moment to get "the call" from the staff. However, my mom continues to defy all the odds. She is now completely bedridden. Both arms and hands are completely contracted due to the many strokes she has had. Her dementia comes and goes. Her ejection fraction is 10% or less and she can't sit up for any length of time. We decided quality over quantity though and pulled all her diabetes meds, don't test her blood and let her eat cake every single day. It makes her happy.

I know that there are lots of people out there with problems worse than mine. (Thinking about and praying for Mrs. Mom and Johnny Reb.) And I'm really glad that I have a place here to vent. Thanks for listening.